I've never been particularly good at being who I'm supposed to be.
And thank God for that.
Speaker. Identity + Mindset Mentor. Wife. Mother. A woman who has never been particularly interested in living a life someone else designed for her.
Get to know me ↓
I've always had my own rhythm.
I question things. I follow what feels right for me, even when it doesn't make sense to everyone else. I've never been especially impressed by the argument that something should be done a certain way simply because that's how it's always been done.
I've changed directions when something stopped feeling like mine. I've trusted myself before I had proof that I should. And I've learned that the decisions that make the least sense to other people are sometimes the ones that make the most sense for my life.
That has been one of my greatest advantages as a woman.
Not every decision I've made has worked out beautifully. Believe me, it hasn't.
But I've never believed that someone else's blueprint deserves more authority over my life than I do.
I refuse to let the worst things that have happened to me become the most interesting things about me.
Circumstances don't get the final word.
At 25, just as my career was taking off, I lost both of my parents within six months of each other. My dad passed away after years of personal struggles, and my mom died by suicide while navigating the grief of losing him.
There are experiences that divide your life into a before & an after. That was one of mine.
I've also found my way through an eating disorder, abusive relationships & a dependence on alcohol that began in my teens.
I've walked away from drinking. I quit smoking cigarettes, too, although I've maintained that I reserve the right to pick them back up when I'm 70.
Some retirement plans involve golf. Mine involves menthol cigarettes.
None of it gets to decide who I become.
I don't share those experiences because I want to be known as a woman who's survived a lot.
I share them because none of those experiences got to decide who I would become.
I've experienced grief without making grief my entire identity. I've made choices I wouldn't make again. I've changed my mind, my habits, my relationships & the way I see myself.
And through it all, I've continued to want a beautiful, expansive, wildly fulfilling life.
I don't resent what I've experienced. It's part of my story, and I wouldn't rewrite it. Not because every chapter was beautiful, but because every chapter belongs to me.
My circumstances have shaped me, but they've never been allowed to define what's possible for me.
Oh, and then I became a mother.
Which is particularly funny considering I spent most of my life confidently declaring I would never have children.
Not maybe someday.
Never.
I had an entire identity built around being a woman who didn't want kids.
And then, after decades of certainty, I changed my mind. Five months later, my husband & I conceived our son.
My little boy has introduced me to an entirely new version of myself.
And I think there's something beautiful about that.
I'm allowed to become someone I never imagined I'd want to be.
I'm allowed to contradict my younger self. Hell, I'm allowed to contradict the woman I was yesterday. One of the greatest freedoms in life is realizing I can choose something entirely different tomorrow.
I'm allowed to want things I once rejected, walk away from things I once chased & build a life that looks nothing like the one I originally planned.
That's not inconsistency. That's freedom.
I'm a whole person.
Imagine that.
Strong opinions. An iced coffee. A life that's mine.
I want wealth, freedom, love, ambition, pleasure, meaningful work & room to actually enjoy the life I'm building.
I don't believe I should have to choose between a beautiful life and an ambitious one. I'm much more interested in questioning why we were told those things had to compete.
They told us we could have it all.
But who got to decide what “all” meant?
For generations, women have been told we could have it all.
But instead of being invited to define what all meant to us, we were handed another set of expectations.
Be ambitious. Be accomplished. Be desirable. Be nurturing. Be independent. Be successful. Be grateful. Be everything.
Preferably without inconveniencing anyone.
I'm not interested in teaching women how to become better at meeting those expectations.
Fuck that.
I'm interested in what happens when we start questioning them.
When we stop confusing our capabilities with our obligations.
When we realize that being able to do something doesn't automatically mean it's ours to do.
When we become willing to build success around the actual woman living the life.
I don't believe the greatest thing a woman can accomplish is becoming everything the world told her she should be.
I believe it's becoming fully, unapologetically herself. And building a life that reflects it.
There's more than one way to live an extraordinary life.
If something about the way I see the world makes you question the way you've been living yours, we probably have something to talk about.
Success Built Around the Woman.